A small aside on workout wear

There is something uniquely humiliating about buying work out clothes. I've never done it before now, but it's comparable to swim suit shopping, though in some ways, even more degrading.

Step one is always admitting you have a problem, and buying clothes specifically for the purpose of absorbing sweat denotes you have something to fix. So even before the gun goes off, you feel like a twit.

Designers of these togs obviously have mastered schadenfreude. If I need to buy these things, I need to lose weight. So then why are all the designs skin tight and low waisted to sit right under the gut I'm trying to lose? And these wee jackets I can barely get one boob into? Come on now.

And, you'll forgive me for saying so, I hope, but if you are a size XS, what in sweet sweaty hell are you doing buying yoga pants? Go eat the poutine I can't have and screw off. Just seeing XS work out wear is demoralizing. They should have a separate section for small work out wear. Like they do for Plus size in regular wear. I'd be happy to be surrounded by women bigger than me, I'd love to pull a pair of capris off the rack and say, loudly, out loud, for all to hear "Oh these are WAAAAAY to big!" Throw the plus size workout wear in my section, keep the skinny bitches over there, next to the candy aisle, along with the small dog accessories and Hello Kitty purses.

Yes, I'm stereotyping. Get over it.

And no, Amber, I did not buy Lululemon yoga pants. I don't care how great they supposedly make my ass look, my ass is 35 pounds overweight, and I seriously doubt that a pair of pants, no matter how well marketed or designed they may be, can alter the fact that it is what it is - large.

And in the financial scope of reality - I'm not going to fit them for very long, so I'll just go to Army and Navy or Costco and buy the cheap stuff. Maybe once I thin out, I'll join the skinny bitches in the Thin People's Workout Wear Section at Lululemon. Right after I carry Peaches the Precious Pooch home in her Hello Kitty doggie-sac.