2008

So a year ago I wrote down a whack of things I wanted to accomplish in '07. Let's see how I did...

Did I...

get paid what I'm worth... Sure I guess so. I'm self employed now and doing very well, so yes. Accomplished.

take a real vacation... See self-employment. I took a week off to visit family in the summer. And a week for Xmas with family, too.

spend more time with my friends, and less with my work. (yeah, right)... I did see a lot more of Laurie, Peter and the lads, as well as Amber, Tobias and the kiddo. Done.

meet a man over 35 that isn't psychotic, messed up, married, desperate or angry that can string together 5 words and doesn't eat like a pig, hump my leg in public or smash beer cans on his head... Met plenty that had one or all attributes. Still single, though.

buy a real couch. Like a new one... Nope.

go to the art gallery once every three months. And the theatre, too... Nope and nope.

start my sommelier training. For real.... YES!!!

learn to not take crap personally and take power from being inoffensable... I think I'm getting better at this.

drink better wine, not more wine. (Who am I kidding?)... I drank some fantastic wine this year. And a lot of it.

get my wisdom teeth pulled out, instead of bearing the pain so I can work more... Still got 'em.

eat well everyday, not just the three days after payday... Yes. I cooked more, ate out at will and generally did not starve.

lose 20 pounds and get some muscle tone back so that carrying groceries up the stairs doesn't give me a coronary... I've lost 15 so far, and still more to come. Walking everywhere works.

stop looking for greener pastures and make the best of what I have, without being bitter or ungrateful... Well, I left my last job, if that's what I'm referring to. And I'm happy with my position in life. For now.

start writing my book. Not just taking notes, but like putting the damn thing together. Absolutely not. No where even close to this one.

Next post I'll set up my '08 goals...

Exposure

So yeah, I hop in the car with Amber and the wee 'un and we take off for Metro-hell. There was little choice - we had urgent shopping to do and a mall was the best choice. SO we get there, we spend, we look, try on. The kid begins to fuss. I realize I'm hungry, and begin to relate to the child's crankiness. Time to eat.

Food fairs are really depressing places, no? Worn out retail employees woefully eating what barely passes for food, the light of their eyes dulled by fluorescent light and bleak pay cheques. Ick. I wolf down a Taco Time something wrapped in a stale tortilla that I mask with a sludge of hot sauce. Down with root beer. Done. The mother and child eat Greek. We are fed.

I lift the child out of his highchair, plop him in his stroller and push toward Starbucks for an afternoon zinga zinga ahhhh. We round the corner and my shirt catches on the metallic ledge of the escalator railing.

Allow me to digress for a moment to explain what a surplice neckline is. The front of the shirt crosses over at the bottom half of the breast, wrapping the chest, so to speak, in a criss-cross of fabric. The flowing bat-wing sleeve that accompanied said surplice neckline is what caught on the railing.

I'm pushing a stroller with a coffee in one hand. Snag. Yank. Hello. Full on half the shirt pulls away with the snag, releasing Betty (or was it Veronica) from her blouson. I yelp. Middle of fucken Metrotown Food Court. Wardrobe malfunction. Justin Timberlake no where to be found. Horrified, I wrench the shirt back into place. "Of course," I say to Amber, "I couldn't be wearing a dark bra that looks like a tank top, nooooooooo. Fucking LEOPARD print." I blushingly hurry to the Ladies' to slap on one of the tanks I have just purchased. Moving everyone into position, I flip my hair over my shoulder and prepare to re-enter the known universe.

As we walk away, a young cracking pubescent voice says, barely in earshot, "Cougar bra!"

Remind me to shop downtown.

End of August Update - Introducing...!

Well it is official - as of yesterday I am self employed. I have started I*G Creative Marketing - specializing in hospitality marketing and brand development, as well as ad design and the like. It's an exciting step in my career, albeit a tad ominous at times. I have often considered this type of move, and always wondered what would actual spur my far-too-happy-being-comfortable ass into such a decision. Well he has a name. The name that shall not be named.

But regardless of personalities, a had a woman tell me that entrepreneurialism often happens when there's simply no other choice in your own head. And I suppose that's what I came to.

I am very fortunate and complimented that Ricky's and Fatburger have stayed on as clients - I'll remain their creative resource for the time being. I look forward to this - I have always loved the work I do, just sometimes (right) not where I was doing it. So this is a great solution, and one that I hope benefits all parties.

So, hey, if you hear of a restaurant that is floundering, opening, or just in general need of some help, let me know.

NOW, on to my new favorite restaurant in the whole GD GVRD... Boneta. A mighty triumvirate front of house management team made up of Mark Brand (former award winning Chambar bar manager), Neil Ingram (former sommelier at Lumiere) and Andre McGillveray (former Le Croc, Lumiere and Chambar manager) makes walking in the door feel like a red-carpet experience every single time. Attentive, ridonkulously knowledgeable and damned fine dressers, these boys know how to treat a lady. Or a tramp, for that matter. Woot.

Jeremie Bastien is heading up the kitchen. I have sat here staring at my screen trying to think of the right words to describe his food... You know when you have such amazing sex - maybe you're partner used a "move" you hadn't known before? You lie there, spent and slightly confused, because you feel so good, yet you're not sure what just happened? All you know is that you want it again and again? Jeremie Bastien, ladies and gentlemen. Le petit mort of Gastown. Christ almighty.

I have now orgasmed over the food there over 6 times. Every time - criminal. Completely unfair. I find myself making excuses for leaving my other regular haunts after a few drink to sneak off in Boneta, plunk myself at the bar and go for another ride. I could go into a dish-by-dish diatribe, but that would be like dissecting fabulous love making. How gauche.

Just go. Keep your pants on. Just loosen the belt a little.

http://www.canada.com/cityguides/vancouver/story.html?id=1abc14a6-5679-4670-ae2f-4ce3d52dc42f&k=63249

Weddings, work and related shite.

Summer continues. What the heck is up with the weather? I'm freezing and it's August, last I checked. Brr.

Quite a busy month - my cousin got married this last weekend - I was the emcee. Lots of fun, the weather was perfect and everyone was in great form. I got a wee sunburn on my cleavage, and seven mosquito bites on one leg, but other than that, am unscathed. Linda and Sunny were beautiful... My sisters were all in attendance, with their kids. I danced with my nephew, Shane - amazing kid, had far too much fun and got his crazy aunt to get him drinks. My niece, Lexi, is getting too pretty too fast for me. She's gonna be trouble. They're the cuties in the pic above.

I have officially given my notice at work - I'm going freelance!! It's a bit scary, but I think it's the right move for me now. Watch for IFG Creative Marketing. I'll post logos and pretty things later.

I keep telling myself that this is the perfect time for me to go for the self-employment thing. I use positive visualization, imagining myself being highly successful, winning awards and such... but then I think I cross the line between positive thinking and fantasy. Can you shout "In your FACE!" to people during positive visualizations? Laugh condescendingly right back at them? Remind them I'm ten years younger than they are and have all this ... HAHAHAHAHAHA!?

OK I'm fine now.

The really good news is my Neilio is likely coming home sooner than expected. Poor monkey all alone in Miami. Yuck.

Back to work (aka reading copyranter.)

July and stinking hot...

I must thank Jim for reminding me that I haven't posted here for a while. Thanks, Jim.

Mother of hell. Literally. It's too hot for the wee island lass. I am eager to get to work, because we have a freezing cold office. Yum.

Much ado about work - Jane is leaving, Stephen is leaving. Big tidal waves of resulting crap are crashing upon all of us. Everyone is looking at me wondering "How the hell has she lasted this long?" Well my friends... who knows what the future holds? I do. The big bosses are in meetings today trying to "figure out" why everyone is leaving and how it can be "prevented". It can't. Oh wait - get new leadership, and new corporate culture and re-work the business model to suit today's marketplace. Prevention 101.

In the never ending saga of my personal life, there is little to report. Too busy with strategies and such work related endeavors to concern myself with the baser matters of life. I'll get there, though. God knows I love base things.

I have been drinking the hot afternoons away down on the deck at Le Gav. So shady, so much wine, so good. I'm thinking about asking Manny if I can rent a table and take my laptop down there and work in civilized environs. If I say environs, I bet he'll let me.

Other than that... hm. i finally made it over to Thetis to see the new family digs. Steph and Grant have done so much work as have my uncles. Will be nice to have a place to go hide in. More about Thetis later, though... it's possible that Big City Momma C may make her way island side for a business opp. Stay tuned.

C

April to June

How does it happen that I'm suddenly walking down 2nd Avenue in Whitehorse, the conversation of three German tourists being blown back to me by rainy wind, grateful for the rain, as it is otherwise just dusty wind? The traffic politely stops as I'm crossing the street. And I'm struck by the serenity of anonymity. A whole five local people know why I'm here, who I am, what I do. I have no expectations on me, no strict agenda, no working cell phone.

I buy a bottle of wine at the closest CB&W. All liquor is stashed behind Plexiglas, as is the clerk. As I'm walking out, three Harleys pull up. I smile.

Crossing the street again, a gust of wind blows my hair in my face and I'm temporarily slowed. I look up after wiping the red back and a car is sitting four feet from me. Patiently waiting for me to find my bearings. The driver waves as I smile sheepishly.

I turn my hotel room key in my pocket as I round the corner. Alone is good when you really are. The wood stairs creak as I ascend. Half the rooms have doors open to keep the hot air moving. Snippets of tv shows drift into the hallway. An Australian complete with khakis and chapeau passes me, and utters g'day. Unreal.

I wonder what Alan Shore will get up to tonight.

April Already?

How the time flies... it's been a very busy 6 weeks, full of all sorts of fun and insanity.

My best guy friend has been offered a COO position in Miami and is likely moving. This sends me for a loop, as I spend more time with him than anyone in my life. I will miss him badly and am trying to hatch an evil plan that will get him arrested before he goes so they revoke his right to live in the US.

I am still dating the same guy. It's sporadic and infrequent, as we're both busy bees. He's out of town for three weeks now, so I find myself twiddling my thumbs rather a lot these days. He has some drama in his life, but he seems to think it's over. Here's hoping. I have a serious intolerance for past relationships taking precedence over mine. No patience for that at all.

I have fallen in and out of love with my job about 5 times. Almost walked out the other day. But the waters are calm now - god only knows when the next tsunami of crises will hit there. In the mean time, the raise has come through, the plans stay the same but the infatuation is certainly over.

And now for the fun part...

I had cleverly booked off two days for the Playhouse Wine Fest this year, and was generously given two tickets to the Trade Tastings on Thursday and Friday afternoon. (Thanks Dodo!)There were some 1500 wines, ports and sherries. I tasted maybe 120 total, which was still a feat.

I was graced by the presence of one Vancouver's top sommeliers as my guide, so off we went. It turned into a social fest as he is popular and buys a lot of wine. We got to taste some product that was not for public view - reps reaching under the table and looking furtive as they pour a calculated ounce. Amazing wines out there... a few recommendations:

Yali, from Chile: 14.99 and an amazing value. Sauv Blanc is crisp and dry, a hint of herb and mineral,and some tropical fruit, but not as much as the Marlbourough varietals. The Carmenere was simply lovely. Jammy plum, spicy coffee, beautiful colour... for 15 bucks a no-brainer.

Skillogalee from Clare Valley, Aus:Take Two Shiraz/Cab 21.90 Restricted Dry grown and perfectly balanced. And I don't like Shiraz as a rule...
Gewurtztraminer 27.90 Spec Absolutely gorgeous lychee and rose petals on the nose, rich and powdery floral fruit. I went back to this table four times for this wine. One of the best Gewurtz's I've ever tasted.

Some others, more briefly:

Broncott Vineyards from Marlborough, New Zealand: Classic Sauv Blanc and Pinot Noir
Boutari Visanto - try this - you'll be surprised.
Nepenthe, which Manny affectionately calls No Panties - Tryst was fabulous. DRINK IT.
Neo, mega super aged Sherry that tasted like sweet burnt honey. The finish on this stuff was like an hour if not more... mind blowing stuff.

I'm sure there were dozens more I could write about - those are the top of mind labels I can recall... Will ad to the list as I shake the cobwebs from my head.

Oh nevermind...

A-twitter, a-shmitter. Next please. Whoever said I change men more often than I change socks was wrong. I don't own this many pairs of socks.

Onward and upward. There are things I could write here about my current dating situation, but I won't, just because I'd hate to get everyone excited for nothing. So you must wait.

I have recently been in touch with what I suppose the romantic side of me, when I don't kick it to the curb, would call an old flame. An old flame that got married and decided after five years to get in touch with me. And I certainly don't wish to sound unhappy about the resurfacing of the gentleman, I'm quite thrilled to hear from him. But it has sent the grey cells for a jaunt down memory lane. More on that once I'm done shaking my head in amazement.

Today, as I was driving home, I said aloud, "My life is very very good." I have good things and people around me, I live in a wealthy country and really want for very little.

So there you have it. A nugget of nothingness.

More breaking news...

Went to Gastropod. Was happy with my meal, but not rolling my eyes in ecstasy. The Note Bene was a yummy choice for reds... however the majority of the evening was drowned in gin and concern for the weather. Conversation was about why one should never have a partner in business, much less someone you've dated, even much less someone you want to date. No wait, those were two seperate conversations. Nevermind. Damn that Tanq Ten. And bless it, too.

Speaking of Kits, I have recently been set a-twitter by a man that lives right around the corner from Gastropod. I won't go into details, not because there aren't any, but becuase he's evidently bookmarked this page. Smart lad. Suffice it to say, I am interested more than I have been in a awhile, and holy crap is it refreshing to hang out with someone that doens't count days before phone calls or is afraid to just enjoy another person. Yay.

Thoughts upon Prada-frocked demons

The devil doesn’t wear Prada. The devil understands Prada and makes her own fortune. She wears Prada because it makes her money.

Women who know what they want take it. Sometimes you pay for this in your personal life. How masculine. How powerful. How frightening as hell to every man in the universe.

Woman as the root of evil. How charming. How archaic. Apple, anyone?

Just because she was emotional and human in a moment didn’t stop Miranda Preistley from being a business woman, but instead gave her the rep as bitchy, cold and overly ambitious. If we never saw her cry, hurt or feel, she would have simply been considered a business woman - driven, ambitious and perhaps heartless to all appearances. But her emotional response to her pending divorce, her concern for her children's reaction to "another dad" somehow, what, lessened her. Now she was guilty of crimes against humanity and deserved to suffer her pain. Up until that point we were getting to know steel-nosed business woman and almost respect her for her sharpness, her attention to detail that we all overlook and her cruelty. But no, that isn't acceptable. There has to be an emotional goopy chick in there somewhere. No woman can be THAT successful and not regret it...

Instead a woman is to accept her place – a not so hot job helping someone making “a difference” and making way the fuck less money, but thank god, she can go all the fuck to Boston and have grilled cheese sandwiches after sex with the sous chef. Her dream job of being mother to all. Give me a fucking break.

Well thank god for Miranda. Thank god for her tears, her anger, her intolerance, her laughter, her charm and her understanding of what power really is … fleeting, female and fickle. Hold it as long as you can, and for your own purposes do what must be done to keep your claws in it. It will NOT last. THAT is what separates men from women in business; men believe in eternal life, women believe in reincarnation.

I am not suggesting that being possessed by greed, avarice or bitter need for money is healthy. Of course it isn’t.
Being conscious, strong and willed by intuition and not need, is why women are advancing beyond men, whether they are prepared for it or not, and whether we are paid for it or not. We get it. We gut-feel it. We cannot be shaken, there is no deal; it is because it is. You cannot supplant a woman’s real power, her gut… it is rooted in history, in suppression, in righteous anger and in devout aspiration for greatness.

I stand in the shadow of the Miranda's of this world and take heart, not shame. I know can't have it all. But I will die trying to be every single thing I feel called to be -- successful, maternal, influential and unforgettable.

No grilled cheese necessary.

A long and winding commentary... *warning - God is mentioned*

My friend Ike posted this excerpt from a book on his blog and asked for thoughts... I'm posting mine here instead of on his blog. Because I can, that's why.

From Dallas Willard's Renovation of the Heart:
We each become a certain kind of person in the depths of our being, gaining a specific type of character. And that is the outcome of a process of spiritual formation as understood in general human terms that apply to everyone, whether they want it or not. Fortunate or blessed are those who are able to find or are given a path of life that will form their spirit and inner world in a way that is truly strong and good and directed Godward.

The shaping and reshaping of the inner life is accordingly, a problem that has been around as long as humanity itself; and the earliest records of human thought bear eloquent witness to the human struggle to solve it - but with very limited success, one would have to say.

True, some points in human history have shown more success in the elevation of the human spirit than others. But the low points far exceed the high points, and the average is discouragingly low. Societies the world around are currently in desperate straits trying to produce people who are merely capable of coping with their life on earth in a nondestructive manner. This is as true of North America and Europe as it is of the rest of the world, though the struggle takes superficially different forms in various areas. In spiritual matters there really is no "Third World." It's all Third World.
------------------------------

Now, some of the other comments to this post include opinions on cultural development, spiritual relevance to character and vice versa, as well as just how darned dark and depressing this makes the future of mankind in it's journey to "getting better" or Enlightenment, or what you call it. I think that the one point Mr. Willard is making is a valid one: as a society at large, we have barely created a structure that maintains human decency, nevermind spirtual awakening. That secular society, regardless of faith, is developing spiritually, but at what rate and to what end?

If it is "the fortunate or blessed" that get to go "Godward" and be "truly strong and good", which to me implies a minority, where's everyone else headed? Man-ward? Satan-ward? Is this the root of the doom of man? Is the reluctance or outright denial of acknowledging that being a spiritual being is akin to being a human being mean we don't get to play with the other reindeer? It starts to sound traditionally exclusive, as most Xtian writing tends to, in that there's an us and a they, that awareness is necessary for "salvation", (very specific awareness, mind you) and that at the end of the day the answer is there but we're all to shallow, materialistic or demonically possessed to see it. But join us on Sunday...

I could very well just be knee-jerking because of my defensiveness when it comes to my religious upbringing, but at the heart of it, it seems quite arrogant, if not omniscient, to claim that the entire world is spiritually Ethiopian and living in the flies, waiting for the second coming of Sally Struthers. Not that it's the days of wine and roses, fer pete's sakes, but I'd rather have a more balanced view - considering I am not omniscient (yet); that in the end the love you make is equal to the love you take.

Ok, so that was trite, but in the end I'm much more concerned with what I do, with my life, my family, my love and my time, than about postulating about the planet's spiritual development strategy. (yes this blog proves me a hypocrite, get over it.) Back in the day when we didn't know what was going on all over hell's half acre, we cared about our communities, our families, our livestock and the crop. I'm not trying to glorify Little House on the Prairie, but once upon a time, we pretty much had to mind our own business, cuz it's all we knew. If the energy that is spent on worrying about who was saved or not was spent mending the fabric of our neighbourhoods, the issues of "the wages of sin" would be drastically reduced, and Sally Struthers would be out of a job. Hallelujah.

Another Year

Sheesh. How did this happen? 2006 is gonzo, and a whole new year, with it's ding-dangly opportunities, taunting unknowns and mind-bending twists in the proverbial road is upon me.

Maybe this year will be the year I...

... get paid what I'm worth.
... take a real vacation.
... spend more time with my friends, and less with my work. (yeah, right)
... meet a man over 35 that isn't psychotic, messed up, married, desperate or angry that can string together 5 words and doesn't eat like a pig, hump my leg in public or smash beer cans on his head.
... buy a real couch. Like a new one.
... go to the art gallery once every three months. And the theatre, too.
... start my sommelier training. For real.
... learn to not take crap personally and take power from being inoffensable.
... drink better wine, not more wine. (Who am I kidding?)
... get my wisdom teeth pulled out, instead of bearing the pain so I can work more.
... eat well everyday, not just the three days after payday.
... lose 20 pounds and get some muscle tone back so that carrying groceries up the stairs doesn't give me a coronary.
... stop looking for greener pastures and make the best of what I have, without being bitter or ungrateful.
... start writing my book. Not just taking notes, but like putting the damn thing together.

2006 wasn't a bad year, per se; it set up 2007 nicely. But it was a year of hard work, decisions and a lot of frustrations. Some acceptable losses, others are regrettable. All in all not a bad year, but certainly not one that I would drag out any further.

I'm not usually susceptible to NY hopefulness, but this year I am certainly looking forward with a smile, and not a furrowed brow. This will be good.

Best wishes to all of you out there in blog-land.

Boxing Day

Well, it's over. Yesterday I ate too much, drank too much egg nog and went home feeling bloated and gross. Happy Holidays. Ugh.

But Boxing Day is always a nice day for me. I don't shop on Boxing Day, because I'm not an idiot. I like it for two reasons; I used to work in retail and always had to work today. And it was a living hell of women fighting over 9 dollar jeans and trying to bargain at the 500-person line-up cash desk. Crazy. The other reason is that it's just a quiet reflective day. Play with my presents, have a coffee, bundle up and head to the pub. I won't talk to too many people today. Just hermit-it-up and try not to think about how many calories I ate yesterday and how many people that would have fed in another country. Does Bono have a big turkey dinner? If he does I would be somewhat relieved.

James Brown died on Xmas Eve, in his typical dramatic fashion. What a life. We know so little of his music - there are hours and hours of songs that you haven't heard. That I haven't either. But evidently there's a 6 hour radio show, just him. 6 hours. I will safely say there are no young artists out there, save perhaps Vance Gilbert and Martin Sexton, maybe a few others, that I think could do a six hour show of their own material. Insanity.

It's off to the pub for me!

Crazy Bitches Everywhere

I am in awe. My gender never ceases to disappoint me. I have grown weary, and perhaps even a smidge irate, at the endless moaning and whinging about how horrible men are, while we chicks wander about stalking people, throwing fits and generally acting like two year olds. Not to say that men don't exhibit the same behaviours, but that's the point.

We're ALL crazy bitches.

I don't think I really know anyone who isn't nuts. Nuts is the new normal. If you don't have a quirk, you likely don't have a pulse. Sure, this makes for great dinner parties, but it sucks when it comes to interpersonal relations.

Aside: There is nothing, in my opinion, more beautiful than watching a Guinness cascade.

Back to it - people's insanity. I mean really.

I'm sitting in my living room, reading. The phone rings. It's Peter. After ribbing me for not being able to keep up with his drinking (He's 6'4 and Danish fer Chrissakes), he launches into this story about this chick he was dating that has gone bunny boiler on his ass. He had just gotten off the phone with her (she hung up on him) and as he took a deep breath to go into detail, she shows up at his door. This means she literally hung up the phone and sped to his door. WTF? To be angry at him? To tell him he's horrible for dumping her? Grab a shred of dignity and stay the fuck off his doorstep, you drama-seeking, thirty-something, validation vacuum. I don't get it. I don't do this. I do other things that are crazy, but I'd like to think that my quirks are charming and non-threatening. I could be wrong. I'll have to think about that.

Tomorrow I am hosting a party. SO far there will be myself, my sister and 8 guys. None of my female friends can come. This should be interesting.

At any rate, rant ends.

One must ask why...

...why the hell do we subject ourselves to the maddeningly stressful frustrations that guise themselves as pleasantries and chuckles also known as dating?

What is UP with guys in their mid thirties? Sheesh. I had hoped that the pubescent age discrepancies would have balanced by now, but evidently not. Perhaps my expectations are too high, but dammit guys, YOU keep telling me that you're all grown-up!

If you want something, you reach out and take it. You don't see how long it will sit on the shelf for, then chase after the clever person that sauntered by and said "Hum! Look at this!", begging for them to give it to you, since you saw it first.

CHRIST!

Just call the girl already. Ask her out, tell her she's cute. SOMETHING. In the meantime, she's thinking, "Well, I'd kinda hoped that he'd call, but the other one did instead, so I guess I'll go out with Plan B." And why doesn't she call him, you ask, dear reader? BECAUSE HE DIDN'T GIVE HER HIS PHONE NUMBER. She gave him hers, with the gross assumption that when a man says, "Hey, I'm a man, I like to drive the bus." he MEANS IT.

I'm at the end of my tether. I have people telling me that if I call or email first, he'll get intimidated or whatever, and I should wait for him to call, to initiate, to make the first, second and twentieth moves. This is such a load of bullshit as I have never known it. I hate waiting. I hate pretending I'm not interested in someone so that they'll be interested in me. What the sweet fuck is THAT about? Misogynistic freak shows.

Ok I'm fine now.

Another night...

This was an email I sent to friend of mine. It was written last summer, but still makes for a ha-ha read. I would love to say that the events are embellished, but they ain't.

Subject:
Another Night...
Good morning! I am sitting at my desk at home, Starbuck's coffee steaming, radio humming in the background. I had such an evening last night I felt compelled, nay, obliged to write it down. And who else to write to? None so deserving as you, my friend. None so deserving as you.

The evening started simply enough. I was to meet Neil, whom I had dated previous to dating you, for a friendly night of watching his other ex-girlfriend, who is a celebrity impersonator, perform at the casino down here on the quay. Her name is Bonnie. As he approached me on the boardwalk, I was a tad shocked to see him walking with a blonde, slightly chunky, badly dressed girl. She was wearing thick-soled clunky faux leather shoes. 'Nuff said. Who the hell was this? He wasn't bringing a date to see his two ex-girlfriends, was he? I mean he was kinda stupid, which is why we ceased relations, but really... (KIDDING MONKEY) Oh, no no. Not to worry. She's another ex-girlfriend. She was first, then Bonnie, then me. Her name is Andrea. So Neil, Andrea and I headed into the casino.

Now, I have never set foot on the floating monstrosity that is the Royal Star Casino. And I never really wanted to. I had observed the types that entered and these are the people I typically avoid. Most of them are from Surrey and they think coming over to New West is a big deal. And perhaps it is.

We skipped the actual casino areas and found our way to the Hurricane Deck, which was where the stage was. It was a strange set-up. The room looked like it was typically used for banquets, and people were sitting at tables that were placed in no sensible arrangement. Some of the tables were round, some were rectangular. Chairs were spewed about with old people sitting, fanning themselves in the muggy, too close for comfort, non-air-conditioned, badly-decorated-in-old-Showboat-fashion room. Some woman asked for our money and our names and waved us in.

There was one bar, a makeshift thing, at the entrance, with one person slinging drinks. There were about 25 people waiting in a line that didn't seem to be moving at all, and the one bartender didn't seem to care. Slow as molasses. There was no sign of any servers. I shot Neil a look. He knows how I feel about waiting for alcohol. He put his hands up in defense and said "Hey, sugarplum, I don't know what's going on either." Great. I pushed him toward the bar line up. "Beer," I muttered. Andrea and I perused the room, looking for empty seats. I grabbed a couple of chairs at the back, just in time for Neil to return empty-handed. "Line's not moving, I'll go back in a minute," he offered.

Now at this point, I'm already thinking this is a horrible waste of a Saturday night. Andrea is sitting, mousily fiddling with her purse, looking at my shoes. I wanted to deck her, or give her a make-over. Something. I send a few SOS text messages, and hope for a nibble. Neil sends me a text message from two seats over. "Stop texting". I stick my tongue out at him and nod at the lack of line at the bar. "Go."

He returns with beer, which in the heat of the room, goes down cold and quick. I feel better and turn to be social with Ex-girlfriend number one. We chat, about what I don't recall. The show starts. Three more beers. The show ends. Granted, Bonnie's got pipes -- she sounded great and she does a mean Cher impersonation. We say our hello's and our compliments. We all laugh at the fact that Neil is surrounded by three ex-girlfriends. I catch a glimpse of the three of us in a mirror, Bonnie in her Cher outfit, me in my stilettos, Andrea still fidgeting, now staring at Bonnie's cleavage that is accentuated by the corset she's wearing. And it strikes me -- Geek, Chic and Freak. I laugh to myself at my stellar cleverness.

Neil wants more beer, so he comes up with the ingenious idea to go to The Foggy Dew. We take a cab over and as we arrive, I swear loudly. "There's a fucking LINE for the pub? FUCK." Neil assures me that we can get in -- he knows someone who slept with a bartender or some such thing. We walk toward the door. They're frisking people as they enter. This does not bode well. We are refused guest list privileges. My hackles begin to rise and I interrupt the doorman's no-one-gets-in-get-in-line-I-am-the-gatekeeper speech. "Let's just fucking go, Neil." Andrea begins to shuffle her feet. My anger is making her uncomfortable. Neil thinks he can work magic on the door guy. I take one look at the door guy and know he's a suburban club door guy. A complete prick. I begin to walk toward the taxi stand. Neil eventually follows. Andrea is looking worried and frantically asks "So what are we going to do?" as if the universe is falling apart due to lack of Foggy Dew.

We head for The Drive. I finally get a text message from Colin, my producer friend. He's in the studio, do I want to meet for a beer? Sweet jesus thank you. We get to Toby's on Commercial. I slam back a beer, kiss Neil on the cheek, pat Andrea's drooping-due-to-bad-posture-shoulder and run for the Skytrain like a screaming but well-heeled banshee. Colin picks me up at Stadium station. He laughs at me -- "Too much suburbia for you tonight?" I roll my eyes in response. "Where to?"

So I suddenly remember that Mark at Chambar had told you and I about a new place. Lolita's. We head for Davie Street. It's there... just past Jervis. It's small, cozy and they're serving. Perfect. We sit at the bar, and I start picking apart the menu. It's mexcian-ish. I order tacos and a Dos Equis Amber. Satisfied that my needs are now being tended to, I turn around to check out the room.

As I spin in my seat, I catch someone staring intently at me in my peripheral vision. I can't quite recognize them without really looking, though, so I do the casual glance thing. Oh fuck. It's an old lava guy that I really don't want to talk to, but oh, no, that's not possible. He walks up to me and starts asking me why I haven't called him. Colin, of course, while highly entertained, is concerned that this person is just being an ass, so he makes some "hey buddy" comment. Maybe he called him "guy". I don't remember, but Ian, the "guy", loudly told him to fuck off and that if I wanted him to go away I'd tell him, and who are you anyway, fuck head? He called him fuck head. Priceless. The bartender comes over and asks if everything is ok. nod and wave as I'm trying to think of how I can stab Ian in the chest with my fork and get away with it. I tell him, calmly, that I really have nothing to say to him, that he's making a scene, and perhaps he should sit down with his, oh yes, DATE, and get on with his evening. This chick is sitting there, glaring at ME as if this is my problem, fire bursting from her eye sockets. He sits down loudly. I begin, perhaps unwisely, to laugh. And I can't stop. The table next to the lovely couple is chuckling as well.
This exacerbates the problem.

After a few more minutes of drunk Ian flailing and at one point almost crying?, the bartender escorts him and his chippie out the door. Someone anonymously buys me a shot of tequila.

See what you're missing?

But when you get back into town, we should definitely go to Lolita's. You'd like it there. Maybe Ian will be there. Maybe I'll be banned. Or get paid as entertainment.
Be well,
xo
C

Back Atter

Well, so much for my commitment to write every day. Maybe I should start with every week as a goal, and go from there. Maybe.

I have re-entered the dating realm. I'm sure you've all heard, as this fact is so bloody newsworthy it reeks of tabloid ink and sweaty reporters hats.

I signed up on Plenty of Fish - a completely free dating website. I like it - it's better than Lavalife, in my opinion, mostly because there are more people on it, but also because it's free - so contacting people doesn't ding you a couple of bucks.

At any rate, I've gone a couple of dates. Like real dates, where you dress up and feel awkward and stupid and repeat lines you heard on tv, praying they don't recognize the line. When I hear that he doesn't watch tv, I feel relieved.

The first victim was a computer software guy, very tall. Blonde. Extremely smart and funny. We ate oysters and drank beer at Rodney's, then headed over to George for martinis. 5 martinis, to be exact. It was a very good date, and we agreed we should see each other again. So we had lunch the following week. Both of us had work on the brain, so lunch was subdued. Or so I thought.

A week later he emailed me to tell me he had met someone and that someone was sparklier than me, but he "really likes me so can we be friends, for real, not like "that"." I agreed on paper. But then I started thinking about it - is that getting a fair deal? He gets my wit, charm and occasional platonic company AND he gets to go bonk someone else. I'm not sure about this agreement, but I'll keep you posted. I suppose I could turn that around and think that he's the one getting the raw end of the deal and that I should be happy to be spared the doldrums of relationship, but, no. I don't think that's the case.

The second date was a smash hit. SMASH. Funny as hell. My jaw hurt the next day. (from laughing, thank you very much). We had a snack and a drink then bought beer and hung out at his place and talked for 6 hours. Somewhere around hour 4, we changed into baggy t-shirts and Thai pants - the wide legged things you tie at your waist. Super comfy. The whole date was super comfy. Golly I hope he calls me, I do I do. Damned fine kisser, too. Nothing worse than getting to the end of an evening, and have a bad kiss ruin everything. Tsk. But not the case here. He knew what he was doing and yes I wanted more, but no I didn't. So there.

And I have more, yes MORE stories to tell, but I will pace myself and save something to write about next week.

By the way - go to Abigail's Party on Yew, grab a bottle of Masi Campo for 40 bucks and the Goat Cheese Pave, pictured below. Say hi to Andrew.

Funny funny funny

I had the good chuckle.

Restaurants, Comedy and Long Weekends

A smidge of history: I have worked in around and through restaurants, catering and food/booze for a looong time. Even when I didn't work for restaurants, I was involved consulting or just being an opinionated bitch. I am one of those people who evaluate restaurants in a sweeping glance. Food, service and bar had better be what the decor suggests it to be, or I get, shall we say, disappointed? That said, I love eating out; the culture, the entire experience of being taken care of and fed is one that I will never grow tired of. There are few restaurants that take this as seriously as I would hope. But those that do, get my money. Frequently.

The biggest loot vaccuum is most certainly Chambar. I cannot gush words of love enough to describe how this restaurant leads the Vancouver restaurant scene, on every level. I walk in and feel like a million - and they give me a million, one at a time. The staff, the food (sweet lord help me now, the venison) and the drinks are simply on. I have never ever EVER had a negative experience there, and I have been there a lot. Like three-times-a-week-at-one-point-a-lot. And everytime I recommend it, the people come back with thanks and glowing reviews.

Another is Le Gavroche. It's French, it's swish and old school in all the right places. Go there. Eat and dig into that wine cellar.

People frequently will say, "Yeah, but isn't it expensive?" Yup. You get what you pay for. If you buy a cheap car, you get a shitassed car. Buy cheap food where they chase cheap labour and shortcuts at every turn, that's what your food will taste like. And it's how it will be served to you. Parsley and orange slice for garnish. Cold, wet plate. Glasses from your grandma's house. Velvet paint-by-numbers paintings of Mexican cowboys on the wall, accented by plastic flowers and those eerie barbie doll/knitted toliet paper covers that someone bought at a church rummage sale. And they'll likely be playing country. New country, too. Ick.

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Dane Cook. Where did this guy some from? I've seen "Waiting". I though he was some bit actor that had a funny streak. Holy shit this guy is HUGE, like huge overnight huge. And no kidding he's huge, he's hilarious. Check him out on myspace or at danecook.com. Worth the trip. He does the best "girl" I've seen. Nails us to the wall. "Vicious Circle", his HBO special, is out there on the interweb. Filmed live in front of 18,000 people. Nuts.



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I'm on my third giant cup of coffee. I slept in until 1 pm. I am relaxed and have no intentions of moving out of my apartment until after 10 p.m. Sweet ass. Happy Thanksgiving.
Out.
C

Happy Birthday and Goodbye

Cleopatra Jones is dead. OK, well, actually Cleo will live forever, but Tamara Dobson died today at the age of 59. (http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1542781,00.html)

Alexander Keith would have been 211 years old today. Another reason to drink beer all night. Whoo.

We had our office Thanksgiving lunch today. Wine in the middle of the day, while relaxing, makes for a complete waste of an afternoon. I've felt drowsy and mellow and unfocused. Not a bad lunch though. Got to sit next to a cute guy. Whoo.

I'm off to the pub. I'm wearing loud beads in memoriam of Cleo.
C